There it is again. That feeling in the pit of my stomach—the feeling of agony. A little monster in my gut who reaches up with his talons and claws me from the inside.
This is what it feels like to sit down to write when I don’t want to write.
It’s “red.” It feels like the color red.
Then there’s the shiftiness. A restlessness. The feeling that I’d like to turn on the radio or open a new document or write status updates. Check the donations on the Indiegogo site. See if we got any more new ones (no). Write down possible speakers for 2013 Scribbles & Sips events. Feel hungry.
The shifty feelings are purple.
Sometimes I open a new Word document are type a lot of bad words. I won’t tell you which ones. Actually, it’s just the same word over and over again. Sometimes as a verb, sometimes as a noun or adjective or gerund. You know the one.
That’s the blue phase. And no, I don’t think it has anything to do with “cursing up a blue streak.” I know, because blue feelings are calm feelings, and by the time I’ve decided to open a new document and type anything (or just the same thing over and over), I know that it’s just a matter of time before things get green.
It’s a lime green. It’s a groove, this lime green. It’s when my fingers start to fly.
Each time I’m surprised that it happens. I’m always surprised that if I stay sitting and bang away at the keyboard long enough, deep thoughts will make their way from my brain through my fingers and onto the screen.
Maybe that’s why I write. Because if I sit still long enough, I will.