Monday, October 3, 2011

The Last Letter

This Thursday is a NICU Partnership Council meeting. I know because they emailed the meeting agenda to me. They emailed the meeting agenda to me because I conveniently forgot to tell them that I wasn't going to be on the Partnership Council anymore. So I sat down and wrote a  letter. And I cried. I cried because they have helped me so much and I cried because I cannot wait to get outta there and I cried because there are things I cannot say.

But here's what I did say. It goes in the mail today and I hope they get it by Thursday.

(If you've been following along in the blog you might like to know that I did "First Thing Monday" back in August, tell Alison, the nurse manager and friend who brought me on  board, about my decision to leave. We talked for about an hour. A week later I talked to the Family Advisory Council in person. I just haven't said anything to the Partnership Council people yet.)

Dear Ann, Pam, & Jack,
(and Peggy & Alison & Nicole & Rita & Luella & Alex & Mina & everyone else who make time for Partnership Council)

About six weeks ago, an amazing thing happened. The boys--25 wkrs who will be 2 at the end of December--"caught up." Suddenly they were climbing ladders (and bookcases). They were stacking blocks and kicking balls, drawing on walls and saying ,"MINE!" They aren't "micro preemies" anymore.

I am so eager to embrace my new identity as "Just a Mom of Twins Who Climb Bookcases" and so unexpectedly relieved to shed my identity as a "Micro Preemie Mom." It's like our family grew wings. Sadly, grasping our "present" means (at least for right now) leaving the Partnership Council.

It makes me so sad to write this card, even though I know you folk understand better than anyone. I loved being a part of the council. I learned so much from all of you--your strength as a group, your collaborative spirit, your thorough problem-solving (even problem-solving how best to solve problems). You are truly integrative, inclusive, and compassionate. You bring your "nurses' hearts" to the table (even those of you who are social workers, pharmacists, and doctors!) Thank you for this last year as a member of your inspirational team.

I look forward to the day I can remember my days at the NICU without reliving them. And when I can, I hope you'll still have some empty seats at the table.

With deep regret,
and even deeper appreciation & gratitude,


  1. I love how independent they are, one from the other: one pulls his toy behind him and the other walks backward so he can see his toy "in front of him" so to speak!

    I love how they interact with each other in laughter.

  2. Awesome letter, Janine. Kudos.