Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Eat, Like, A Pig

This post was guest-blogged by my brother and sister-in-law, whom Chiara & I went to visit last week.  They were stunned at my capacity to shovel large quantities of food at frequent intervals and quite frankly, I was a little stunned at their shock.  After all, whether I am trying to gain weight or lose weight, I only stick to two principles:
1) Only eat when you're hungry
2) Only eat until you're full

I don't know what all the fuss was about, so they spelled it out for me.

Eat, Like, A Pig

As we see it, the mantra you use to gain five pounds in approximately five days, is: eat as often as a newborn, but as much as a linebacker.

When our baby (yes, he’s still a baby even if he walks and weighs 25 pounds) woke up at midnight for a bottle, there was the Pea Momma, eating cereal in the kitchen by herself.  When he woke up again at 3 am, crying, there was the Pea Momma, drinking water and eating.  Pea Momma was eating around 6: 30 am when the baby woke up too.  Then she ate breakfast with everyone at 9 am, a snack at 10:30, lunch around noon, a post-nap snack by 2:30 or three, a little something around 4:30 to tide her over until dinner and then dinner around 6 and a pre-bedtime snack at 9 pm. 

Eating that often creates some interesting logistical problems.  Basically, if you are going to be away from the house for more than 60 minutes, you need to have at least a pound of food with you to satiate Pea Momma.  And if you are going for multiple hours, there should be an entire duffel bag devoted to food.  I am not even kidding when I tell you that upon arrival at our house, Pea Momma unloaded from her carry-on the following: a turkey/cheese wrap; a large freezer bag full of cashews, a bag of granola, a freezer bag full of cold pizza slices, two baby bottles full of whole milk, two large bottles of water, a block of graham crackers, two snack packs of cookies, at least twenty sticks of string cheese, a baggie of grapes, and a half-finished bottle of strawberry Odwalla.  AND THAT’S JUST THE FOOD THAT DIDN’T GET FINISHED ON THE PLANE!  To be fair, of course, Pea Momma also had to be ready to feed Pea Girl, who is a frequent snacker, and Pea Momma was loaded up by Pea Daddy, who is an over-packer.  But still.  It was impressive.

Here are two instances where the quantity of food cannot be blamed on toddlers or daddies.  One night, around 9 pm, we were enjoying those first magical moments of “adult time,” after the children were in bed and we could hear ourselves think.  Pea Momma’s brother stood up and announced “Can I get anyone some tea?”  In response, Pea Momma said: “I will take two slices of pizza, preferably olive or ham, and a piece of cheesecake.  Oh, and a glass of whole milk please.”  When she was served her glass of whole milk, she went back to the refrigerator, scooped the cream from the top of the jar onto the lip of her glass, and proceeded to eat her snack.  Even a salad became, um, modified.  After everyone else had finished dinner, Pea Momma went rummaging through the fridge – again.  She emerged with a bowl full of salad, already dressed with Italian vinaigrette, and added to it a bowl full of popcorn (not microwaved, but old-school air popped) and at least three large spoonfuls of peanut butter.  “No, I don’t want to try any.  Thanks.”

When you’re bedtime snack is a dollop of pure cream, plus eight ounces of whole milk, plus a seven minute slice of cheesecake (Pea Momma taught me to measure all dessert slices in minutes – not the minutes it would take to eat the slice, but the number of minutes that slice would represent if the entire cake/cheesecake/pie was an hour), plus two pieces of pizza, then you too are ready to join the marathon known as gestating twins. 

Guestblogged by MommyTude and DaddyTude (daddytude.blogspot.com)

1 comment: